it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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