I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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