whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like abortions should bother me more
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dick very happy bro
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
