her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
