Dual....:-)
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
