put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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