Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
