I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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