Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
