he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Randomize
