At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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