Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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