you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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