Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
