I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
