I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize