guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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