Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
