i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
