Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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