Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
