its not stalking. its research.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
