I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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