Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
