Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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