And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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