I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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