I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
