I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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