Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
