1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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