i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My ass is underappreciated
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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