Cold hands, warm shart.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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