we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
