just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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