i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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