Will you blow on my dice?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
