Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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