I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
