Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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