They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
