An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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