wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
