How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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