I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
