Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
