I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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