Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
