im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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