why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
