arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
