tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
