Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
