I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
