I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
