I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
