i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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