I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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