I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
