I'm going to jail i love you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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