Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
