Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
