I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
