this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
