Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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