Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
