happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
