I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
