You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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